True Love Understood

If we carefully understand, we will notice that the over-hyped emotion called love is a fragile collection of feelings such as expectations, imaginations etc. The entire love game we have believed in for years of our life hasn’t grown up to be about selflessness or dedication but about desires, expectations, sex and other objects.

Firstly, love these days has been based upon for our expectations from others. Our world consists of two things i.e. the real physical world and the imaginary world. What happens between two people i.e. face to face or telephonic interaction is the real physical world. It is the world where two people communicate or express their emotions to each other. Things are clear between them because each one is vocal or at least drops hints for others to pick up and complete. The world actually only operates in the real physical world and not the imaginary world which is unique to everyone.

The imaginary world is where we build our large castles, there is a prince and a princess, a villain or vamp; there are hearts, rainbows, chariots and wealth; with everything in place and is according to our customization. But the bitter reality is that, when the real physical world and imaginary world are combined, we build expectations. Thus, love becomes interaction about which the other person is aware as well as expectations about which the other person is unaware. This person has no idea about what we expect from them and we blame them for not loving us anymore. We say they have changed whereas it is our horizons of expectations that have germinated and expanded at a pace that only we know. When our ‘imagined’ expectations are not completed we feel hurt; feel unloved and blame love for the pains it brings with itself.

Secondly, love has been perceived to be not about selflessness but being dependent. Our dependence is to make others dance to our tunes for us to love or accept them. We all have choices, don’t we? Life gives a thousand chances to us to change and accept others before it takes them away.  Parents ridicule and hate their child for not choosing a particular course or stream which they think is best for their children. Thus, their love is dependent on their child’s willingness and ability to fulfill their wish rather expectation. Parents who expect their children to outperform; do not let them take their own decisions end up losing their children’s trust and thus children lose trust in their parents and themselves.

Wives hate their husbands if they do not adhere to their desires, wants and needs. Husbands hate their wives for exercising excessive control over them. When wives overdo care or control, husbands crave for freedom and thus, infidelity comes into picture. Children blame their parents for the luxuries, parents can’t afford for them.

Love has become about not accepting people freely. Why don’t we accept others as they are, if we really love them? It is because we expect others to weave their nest and lives in and around our wishes, desires and expectations. We want to tailor, customize and fit people’s choices, appearances etc in our designer boutique of expectations in the name of their welfare. Is that really our love for them?

Why do people who make different or say exemplary choices suffer with loneliness? Just because they stand up for their expectations of themselves and want to give life a direction of their own rather than following a direction of expectations designed by someone else. They are not attached to someone’s view, desires or choices for them.

Thirdly, we suppose love makes us sacrifice. But, what is love if it makes us sacrifice for other’s temporary happiness? What is the point of giving up a cherished career for a romantic relation which exists today but may not last for a lifetime? We always want others to adjust around us; giving up their career plans, movement plans, life paths, spiritual journeys, investment plans etc but are we willing to change according to other’s needs without feeling any discomfort? How fluid are we to adjust that we expect fluidity from others? We all are rigid in our own molds of definitions, beliefs and attitudes towards everything.

Love is about letting the other person know what you want from them freely and then giving them a choice whether to do it or not. Love is not about expecting but accepting the other person with their flaws, choices, weaknesses and mistakes without having a sense of greatness, pride or favor within. 

Love is not about forcing another person but about not expecting them to perform as you wish. Love is about leaving others free and untied. Love exists when one gives up something at their will, without having to express the pain or discomfort of giving up.

That is love for you!